They were all well-dressed and barefoot and the lingering smells of their colognes and perfumes wafted down to us. I noticed white bows
hung on the bench near the entrance and realized a wedding was about to happen!  We propped ourselves up on a nearby bench and settled in to watch.

Despite being more than a football field away, you could tell it was a simple and intimate ceremony. One man with a guitar was flanked by a minister and a nervous looking groom.  You could hear little notes of music coming from the guitar but couldn’t quite make out the song.

Then the bridesmaids processional started and the girls looked relaxed and cool, with a kind of lavendar beach elegance. The crowd parted again just in time to see the beautiful barefoot Bride walk in, arm in arm with an older man who I presumed was her Father.

Its been nearly two years since the boy and I said “I Do” and it all came flooding back to me.  I was struck by the elegant simplicity of this lovely little beach wedding and was moved to tears despite not knowing anyone in the wedding. I can remember geting hung up in all the tiny details that got in the way of our big day, and I think this couple just got it right.

Friends, family, loved ones all standing around them closely to hear their vows-and at the end of the day, the wedding was about the Bride
and Groom and their love one another and of the beach.  We heard a low cheer and applause and knew they selaed their vows with a kiss and then it was off to the water for pictures. “I’m a Believer” was the song the guitarist played as they walked back down the makeshift aisle.  And I became a believer in this kind of wedding ceremony.  There was something so intimate about seeing them exchange vows and while we weren’t guests, and neither was half the other people in swim suits watching, we felt like we were.

Congratulations to that beautiful beach couple. I wish you years of happiness!

Next week, I’ll post a blog on some of the simple elements of their wedding as well as the best places for pictures!

There have been quite a few welcome and celebrated engagements among friends recently and one detail became increasingly clearer after a glass of wine. Most of them were “30 somethings” and none of them are in a mad dash to the alter!

I asked my friend then to explain but first I had some questions.

Is it that you don’t want to plan it?
Is it that you want a small wedding?
Would you rather elope?
Are you getting pre-wedding cold feet?

The resounding no to all of these made me heave a sigh of relief, but I was still confused. Then she said, “I’m 36. We’ve been together for 6 years….we’ve been together this long, what’s the rush now?”

I’ve been reading articles recently about the “magic age” that contributes to a long lasting marriage. It seems that experts agree that when a woman marries after the magic age of 25-27, the marriage
is stronger and more fulfilling. Chalk it up to experience years, education and a feeling that you know yourself pretty well at that age and you’ve probably got yourself a recipe for happily ever after. Our
Grandmothers were right. Timing really is everything.

In NYC, the average woman is married well into her early 30s. They tend to be more career driven and decide to build a family later in life. There is nothing wrong with this. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense to me: my 30 something friends weren’t dashing their way to the alter but making a tortoise like, well thought out investment in each other and their futures, walk to forever.

Its all about timing and in this case slow and steady really might win the race!

Let’s explore a couple of theme ideas that I kicked around while in the wedding planning process and see what new and interesting ‘themes’ have come up since then (wow, I feel like an old married woman).

Wine: This was our first choice as my fiance and I love wine. There are some fun ways to ‘wine theme’ your wedding without going overboard. Since I got married in October, my colors were, understandably so, Merlot and Champagne! The girls wore those colors and we accessorized with those colors where appropriate (linens, invitations, flowers, etc., etc.) Remember – we had our very own DIY wedding so everything we planned was on a budget, smaller scale and relatively easy to implement.

Our wine colored dresses and tux vests

My shower centerpieces

Many couples who choose a wine theme may opt to get married on a vineyard or in some kind of wine themed restaurant or bar. You can carry this theme throughout the celebrations that accompany your wedding like the Shower and Rehearsal Dinner.

My sister did a very nice job incorporating the wine theme for my shower by saving Wine bottles and creating beautiful centerpieces decorated with custom labels celebrating our special day. The really cute part were the candle corks that topped each bottle and the shower favors – wine charms. There are many ways to get creative with these kinds of things. She ordered our favors from Beau-coup.com. At our rehearsal dinner we gave all of our guests either a wine stopper or cork screw customized with our wedding date. It was something that our guests could use again and again and think of us when they did!

So there you have it – the first in a series of wedding themes. Let me know what you think! I’d love to share your ideas on our blog as well!

Wide-eyed and embarrased, like I’d been caught stealing cookies, I said, “What? I didn’t hear you.”. Uh oh.

So, this whole scenario took me right back to wedding planning days when I was, well, you could say I was obsessed with planning our nuptials. These were pre-blackberry days, thankfully, and I was more obsesseed with spreadsheets, to do lists and the like than I was about my new fiance. I quickly learned, however, how important the “engagement” period is to your new lives together. Planning your wedding is an amazing experience that helps you grow closer with friends and family involved. But it can also be incredibly stressful and all consuming if you let it.

That said, my advice to all you blushing brides out there is this: set aside some precious time with your fiance where wedding talk is prohibited. Allow yourself some time to enjoy being engaged without the stress of linens, colors, flowers and invitations. You’ll miss these days when you’re an old married woman like me.

I’m kidding. I’m not old-yet. But I am married.

The good old days...

When we touched down from St. Lucia on October 28, 2008 after a week of honeymoon bliss in paradise, I suddenly felt a sense of gloom. I had taken the day after we returned off so that I could pick up our marriage license and drove right into a random snow shower. This was just great. Not only did I leave paradise for snow, but what was I going to do now? While there were still some wedding things to wrap up: thank you cards, finding a home for gifts, making deposits and changing my name, there wasn’t much else to get back to except reality.

My husband and I had lived together for about a year before we got married, so when I say back to reality, I mean back to laundry, dishes, bills, dogs and work. I guess you could say that we felt married before we were legally pronounced man and wife, and while that’s for sure not a bad thing, it made the whole ‘newlywed’ thing feel anti-climatic. But we still had some kinks to work out.

First, I’d like to point out that I’ve heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest; and I believe that to be true. Ours was very hard – my husband was laid off in January, four months into our marriage. But despite being concerned about money or finding him a job, we grew stronger because we committed to being a team; leaning on each other and always, always communicating. But there are other not so major things that come into play in the first year. Deciding who is going to manage the bills, (both) who washes the dishes, (him) who does laundry, (me) and who is the messiest (again, me). In between commercial breaks on Sunday nite football, I picked his brain a little bit to find out what he thought helped us get through the first year of marriage – here’s what he came up with:

COMMUNICATION – It sounds cliche, but boy does it work. Talking about even the little things, “Babe. It frustrates me that you leave your folded laundry in the basket for a week. Please put it away.” to “You know, I think we’d save a lot of money if we packed lunch each day instead of buying.” While these seem like simple convos, they need to happen. When you come home from work and you’ve had a bad day, talk about it. Its better than snapping at each other – just say, “I’ve had a tough day so I need a minute to download before we talk about plans this wekend; is that okay?” It works – trust me.

LAUGH – Nothing helps you relax and get through a sticky situation better than just taking a step back and trying to find the humor in it. But make sure you get a feel for your partners humor before you crack a joke during something serious or it will backfire. My husband has an amazing sense of humor. There are times when I need him to make me laugh because I take myself too seriously, but again, there are times when I need to say, “Babe, I know you think this is funny, but I’m not laughing right now. Maybe in a couple of hours it will be funny, but now I need you to be serious.” Hours later he’ll try again. “Too soon?” he’ll ask. “Too soon,” I say. And we laugh.

TOUCH – Be affectionate. I’m not saying it needs to be a PDA! Sometimes even sitting on opposite ends of the couch can make you feel disconnected from your partner, so every once in a while reach out and hold his hand. When you leave the room, walk past and touch his shoulder. That simple touch can go a long way with helping you both feel connected and affectionate with one another. It’s super simple and super powerful. And it makes you feel good.

It’s not always pretty - but it sure is fun. So enjoy these first couple of months being a couple! Discover each others quirks – make mistakes – fix them. Communicate and be honest with each other and always, always laugh together. You’ll be happy that you did.

They are two MOHs who should be available for hire, but more on that later. Stacey, while not as overwhelmingly organized as Amanda, was sweet comic relief. So while she had never been a Bridesmaid before, let alone an MOH, she took the job with an infectious and often hilarious enthusiasm. She must have done a great job because her very good friend has asked her to be MOH for her 10/10/10 wedding. It must be said, and this is completely unrelated but weird, that Stacey’s friend, we’ll call her “Lois” comes from a history of “previously-married-drama”.

Let’s put it this way, Stacey met Lois when she was engaged to her first husband. Stacey also supported her through a divorce, new love, baby and now engagement #2. That’s what friends are for, right? So now Lois and her fiance are planning their 10/10/10 wedding and my sister is her MOH. She recently came to me for advice:

“HELP! Lois wants this color for Bridesmaid dresses; I hate it, but can I say that? I’m going to look like a giant pumpkin!! How can I tell her that I’d wear a trashbag to her wedding if she asked me too, but I’d prefer not to wear this color??”

Apparently, Lois has poor taste in Bridesmaid dress colors.

For their October wedding Lois has chosen a color that screams chocolate covered pumpkin. With no regard for skin tone or hair color, this bride-to-be-again has chosen a color that is not at all flattering – on anyone. So what’s an MOH to do? Recently, I blogged that Brides need to ‘choose their choice’ and stick to it. Should Stacey address the dress or let the Bride choose? For this one, I’ll let you decide.

But ok – since you really want to know…she opted to share her thoughts via email.

“Lois – you know I’d wear a trashbag if you asked me too, but perhaps we can consider a color that would be flattering on all your bridesmaids.  I’ve got some  ideas on colors so I’ll bring pictures when I see you next weekend.”

What do you think about how she ‘addressed the dress’?

I hate to fly.

Getting me on a plane requires weeks of motivation, encouragement and my poor, loving husband telling me, “Babe. You know that you’re safer in the air than on the ground.”

I know, I know. I get it. I just don’t like it.  Therefore, when I am asked to travel for work, I secretly hope that the location of the client site is within driving distance.  While most times my clients are located in places like Utah and Florida, all which are states too far for me to drive to, when my boss said, “Be in Pittsburgh on Monday”, I said, “Great! Can I drive?” The response, “I don’t care, just get there,” worked great for me!

I know that it only takes 1.5 hours by plane and takes six by car. I chose car and left my house at 4:45 a.m. My client, who left JFK at 9:00 a.m., thinks I was insane for driving, but everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. For me, it was the right choice. And for those of you keeping score at home, I arrived before she did.

During my six hour drive to Pittsburgh this morning I was thinking about the choices that all brides face throughout the wedding planning process and I was reminded of all the decisions and choices I faced just about two years ago. At nearly every turn, there is someone to say:

“I think you should…”
“If I were you…”
“You should really…”
“Did you think about…?”

While important to respect and value people’s opinions, ultimately your wedding day is all about you and your fiancé.  Don’t get hung up on the opinions of other people who’ve done it all before.  This is your wedding! This is your opportunity to choose. Sure, you might get a little bit of a weird look when you opt to carry balloons instead of a bouquet, but who cares? Choose what will make your day memorable and be happy with your decision.  You have many choices to make so choose YOUR choice! You’ll be happy that you did; I was!

So come on – spill it.  What choices are you making or have made that raised some eyebrows?