a) Speak up as MOH to protect herself and fellow ‘maids from the Bridesmaid dress that looked like a chocolate bar exploded on a pumpkin?

Or

b) Keep her mouth shut and be the loyal MOH she wanted to be.

Well, as you’re aware, she chose ‘a’ and ‘addressed the dress’. Well my friends, it backfired. I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel confident approaching your lovely bride-to-be with subtle recommendations and thoughts, but tread lightly. In this case, the bride was a tad grouchy.

It went kind of like this:

Bride: “I don’t feel that you’re being supportive of my choices. I understand that you may not like the color, but it’s my wedding and I love it. Besides, the other Bridesmaids love it.  You don’t know what it will look like on you until you try it on, so I don’t see how you can form an opinion until you do that. It hurt my feelings that you said you thought the color was bad.”

MOH: “I’m sorry, I was simply offering you a perspective you might not have considered.”

Bride: “You’re supposed to be supportive of me as my MOH and I felt like you were against me.”

MOH: “I’m sorr-”

Bride: “I’m under enough stress as it is and I don’t need you to tell me that you don’t like a color that I’ve chosen. It’s my wedding and I can choose anything that I want!”

MOH: “I’m…”

Bride: “You should apologize to me.”

MOH: “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll wear a trash bag if you ask me too.”

Bride: “You think the dress looks like a trash bag?!”

MOH: Audible sigh….”No, what I meant was….”

And it went on.  So – how can you bounce back from an MOH misfire? When you agree to be in a wedding, should you just agree to agree, nod and smile at the Bride and Groom’s every whim?  The Knot.com says that there’s, “no real etiquette on how much a bride should involve her bridesmaids in the choosing of dresses…”. Does this mean that what the Bride says, goes?  I’ve given this a lot of thought and I think that it all comes down to the relationship you have with the Bride.  She has asked you to be her MOH or Bridesmaid which means, you’re, hopefully, very good friends or even family. My advice is this:

1. Ask the Bride if she’d like help choosing colors and styles that might look good on everyone. She may say yes and then you’ve got the upper hand in the dress selection department. But remember; she makes the final call.
2. If the Bride selects something that you’re not a super huge fan of, tell her, “This is a great choice and I’m happy to wear anything you’d like me too, but I recall seeing another <style, color, shape> that may look better on me; you know I gotta hide my hips!” Insert laugh and you’ve got friendly feedback.
3. If all else fails, she is the Bride. You should agree, nod, smile and wear the dress. Its only one day – and you can return the favor in your own wedding.

How have you handled this situation in the past?

They are two MOHs who should be available for hire, but more on that later. Stacey, while not as overwhelmingly organized as Amanda, was sweet comic relief. So while she had never been a Bridesmaid before, let alone an MOH, she took the job with an infectious and often hilarious enthusiasm. She must have done a great job because her very good friend has asked her to be MOH for her 10/10/10 wedding. It must be said, and this is completely unrelated but weird, that Stacey’s friend, we’ll call her “Lois” comes from a history of “previously-married-drama”.

Let’s put it this way, Stacey met Lois when she was engaged to her first husband. Stacey also supported her through a divorce, new love, baby and now engagement #2. That’s what friends are for, right? So now Lois and her fiance are planning their 10/10/10 wedding and my sister is her MOH. She recently came to me for advice:

“HELP! Lois wants this color for Bridesmaid dresses; I hate it, but can I say that? I’m going to look like a giant pumpkin!! How can I tell her that I’d wear a trashbag to her wedding if she asked me too, but I’d prefer not to wear this color??”

Apparently, Lois has poor taste in Bridesmaid dress colors.

For their October wedding Lois has chosen a color that screams chocolate covered pumpkin. With no regard for skin tone or hair color, this bride-to-be-again has chosen a color that is not at all flattering – on anyone. So what’s an MOH to do? Recently, I blogged that Brides need to ‘choose their choice’ and stick to it. Should Stacey address the dress or let the Bride choose? For this one, I’ll let you decide.

But ok – since you really want to know…she opted to share her thoughts via email.

“Lois – you know I’d wear a trashbag if you asked me too, but perhaps we can consider a color that would be flattering on all your bridesmaids.  I’ve got some  ideas on colors so I’ll bring pictures when I see you next weekend.”

What do you think about how she ‘addressed the dress’?