I do promise...to pay off this wedding...

I was having a little trouble sleeping tonight and started flipping through the channels in an effort to find something boring enough to lull me into a sound slumber. But I came across a really interesting show on CNBC called “Til Debt Do Us Part”  and I was immediately intrigued. I quickly became aware that the show was to help debt-ridden couples eliminate the debt they’ve accumulated together; some as high as $100,000. Hearing that was like taking a bullet. Yikes.

It got me thinking about one of the main reasons that couples divorce; money! Many of the couples on this show accumulated their debt as single people and continued poor money management habits when they said ‘I do’. Considering this is one of the top reasons for divorce, couples considering marriage should strongly consider having a conversation about how they’ll manage their bills. And it can start with the planning of the wedding. The average cost of a wedding can run couples (or Moms and Dads) $25,000 – $30,000. While this isn’t the case for everyone, for the most part, my husband and I paid for our wedding on our own. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, the same year that we got engaged, we spent $30,000 purchasing our dream home and that left very little for a wedding. We immediately put ourselves on a savings plan so that during our 10 month engagement, we’d have enough to pay for our wedding in full. And while our wedding budget fell well below the average cost of a wedding, it was everything we wanted it to be without really sacrificing much. For us, the fact that we had a great house and a great start together was more important than that one special day.

My point is, that marriage is a constant compromise and compromises can start well before the vows are said. That one wedding day is important and memorable, sure – but are the next five years spent paying off the wedding really worth it? It’s something to think about.

I’m reminded of a friend of mine, whose father said to her upon hearing about her engagement, “I’ve got $30,000 saved for your wedding but I’d like to offer an alternative. I’ll give you the $30,000 to put a down payment on a house and I’ll fly you to Vegas to get married. Or, you can have the $30,000 for your dream wedding. You pick.”

It was the most beautiful wedding I’ve ever been to; stunning. And as the couple enters their fifth year of marriage and usher in a new milestone, their baby girl, they’re setting up her nursery in the dining room of their one bedroom apartment.

Everyone has to make their own decisions – but discussing matters like this with your fiance, will help you both align on your priorities – personally, financially and more importantly as a newly married couple.

a very, very, very fine house