They were all well-dressed and barefoot and the lingering smells of their colognes and perfumes wafted down to us. I noticed white bows
hung on the bench near the entrance and realized a wedding was about to happen!  We propped ourselves up on a nearby bench and settled in to watch.

Despite being more than a football field away, you could tell it was a simple and intimate ceremony. One man with a guitar was flanked by a minister and a nervous looking groom.  You could hear little notes of music coming from the guitar but couldn’t quite make out the song.

Then the bridesmaids processional started and the girls looked relaxed and cool, with a kind of lavendar beach elegance. The crowd parted again just in time to see the beautiful barefoot Bride walk in, arm in arm with an older man who I presumed was her Father.

Its been nearly two years since the boy and I said “I Do” and it all came flooding back to me.  I was struck by the elegant simplicity of this lovely little beach wedding and was moved to tears despite not knowing anyone in the wedding. I can remember geting hung up in all the tiny details that got in the way of our big day, and I think this couple just got it right.

Friends, family, loved ones all standing around them closely to hear their vows-and at the end of the day, the wedding was about the Bride
and Groom and their love one another and of the beach.  We heard a low cheer and applause and knew they selaed their vows with a kiss and then it was off to the water for pictures. “I’m a Believer” was the song the guitarist played as they walked back down the makeshift aisle.  And I became a believer in this kind of wedding ceremony.  There was something so intimate about seeing them exchange vows and while we weren’t guests, and neither was half the other people in swim suits watching, we felt like we were.

Congratulations to that beautiful beach couple. I wish you years of happiness!

Next week, I’ll post a blog on some of the simple elements of their wedding as well as the best places for pictures!

There have been quite a few welcome and celebrated engagements among friends recently and one detail became increasingly clearer after a glass of wine. Most of them were “30 somethings” and none of them are in a mad dash to the alter!

I asked my friend then to explain but first I had some questions.

Is it that you don’t want to plan it?
Is it that you want a small wedding?
Would you rather elope?
Are you getting pre-wedding cold feet?

The resounding no to all of these made me heave a sigh of relief, but I was still confused. Then she said, “I’m 36. We’ve been together for 6 years….we’ve been together this long, what’s the rush now?”

I’ve been reading articles recently about the “magic age” that contributes to a long lasting marriage. It seems that experts agree that when a woman marries after the magic age of 25-27, the marriage
is stronger and more fulfilling. Chalk it up to experience years, education and a feeling that you know yourself pretty well at that age and you’ve probably got yourself a recipe for happily ever after. Our
Grandmothers were right. Timing really is everything.

In NYC, the average woman is married well into her early 30s. They tend to be more career driven and decide to build a family later in life. There is nothing wrong with this. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense to me: my 30 something friends weren’t dashing their way to the alter but making a tortoise like, well thought out investment in each other and their futures, walk to forever.

Its all about timing and in this case slow and steady really might win the race!

My Bachelorette party was what I would describe as the classic Bachelorette party; dinner with 8-10 of my best friends followed by bar hopping in one of my favorite Cities; Philadelphia. I made my girlfriends swear there would be no ‘unclassiness’ and I think you know what I mean by that.  Just girls – no interrupting fake cops.

But Lauren’s friends have different ideas altogether. Albeit unique, they swing the pendulum so far from what we may deem as a ‘normal’ party that they seem almost dull. Here’s a brief synopsis of each:

• Dinner at a low key dive in Manhattan followed by…adult tap dance lessons.   Tap dance. Lauren’s frustration with this idea is that it falls so far from the typical night out with girlfriends that it’s almost the anti-night out.  And I agree. I wouldn’t want to go to dinner and then strap on a pair of patent leather shoes and bounce around on a floor click-clacking for three hours.  I’m all for burning calories, but is this really how the Bride wants to spend her last single night out with her friends? And let’s be honest, my tap dance lessons ended when I was 8. No one after the age of 8 besides Grace Kelly or Fred Astaire should be tap dancing. No one.
• Brunch, on a Sunday afternoon, followed by…sailing lessons. What is this? Again, after a couple of mimosas and omelet’s, the last thing I want to do is strap on a lifejacket and step into a rickety boat on the Hudson.

So what are these new concepts in Bachelorette parties? Are these women a tad older than the average Bride and feel they’ve “been there done the whole bar scene”?  I’m not saying that every Bachelorette party needs to involve too much alcohol, crazy amounts of pink beads, feather boas, crowns and veils, but let’s celebrate ladies!  Bridesmaids – take your Brides out for a rocking good time. Do something you’ll all enjoy whether it’s dinner, a show, a wine tasting, karaoke, barhopping, a concert and if it ends up being sailing or tap dancing, well, enjoy that too.

I’m curious – what other kinds of Bachelorette parties are out there?

Let’s explore a couple of theme ideas that I kicked around while in the wedding planning process and see what new and interesting ‘themes’ have come up since then (wow, I feel like an old married woman).

Wine: This was our first choice as my fiance and I love wine. There are some fun ways to ‘wine theme’ your wedding without going overboard. Since I got married in October, my colors were, understandably so, Merlot and Champagne! The girls wore those colors and we accessorized with those colors where appropriate (linens, invitations, flowers, etc., etc.) Remember – we had our very own DIY wedding so everything we planned was on a budget, smaller scale and relatively easy to implement.

Our wine colored dresses and tux vests

My shower centerpieces

Many couples who choose a wine theme may opt to get married on a vineyard or in some kind of wine themed restaurant or bar. You can carry this theme throughout the celebrations that accompany your wedding like the Shower and Rehearsal Dinner.

My sister did a very nice job incorporating the wine theme for my shower by saving Wine bottles and creating beautiful centerpieces decorated with custom labels celebrating our special day. The really cute part were the candle corks that topped each bottle and the shower favors – wine charms. There are many ways to get creative with these kinds of things. She ordered our favors from Beau-coup.com. At our rehearsal dinner we gave all of our guests either a wine stopper or cork screw customized with our wedding date. It was something that our guests could use again and again and think of us when they did!

So there you have it – the first in a series of wedding themes. Let me know what you think! I’d love to share your ideas on our blog as well!

• Combine checking accounts
• Update your personal records
• Change your name

That last one you’ve been dreading though because while you’re thrilled to be married, your new name will be Julia Ghoulia.  Ok, so that’s the bride name from the Wedding Singer-but that’s how you feel, right?  Does your new last name rhyme with your first? Does the very thought of having to change your name make you want toss your bouquet out the window?

Here are a couple of options you have:

1. Drop your middle name and use your maiden name as a middle name instead.

Example: Alison May Campbell is now: Alison Campbell Malison.  Sounds good right?

2. No middle name? Hyphenate!

Example: Karen Johnson is now Karen Johnson-Aaron

3. Ask your husband to take YOUR name!

Example: Casey Hart (bride) marries Jason Dacey; Jason becomes Jason Hart. Better for everyone involved.

4. Make your own new last name by combining the two. Think Branjelina or Bennifer (minus the paparazzi).

Example: Elise Lukehart married Jim Denise  – they’re now Elise and Jim Dennishart. Not too bad!

So, with just a little creativity you can also have the last name of your dreams without the worrisome rhyming issue.   Whatever you decide to do, we can help you with the details.

Wide-eyed and embarrased, like I’d been caught stealing cookies, I said, “What? I didn’t hear you.”. Uh oh.

So, this whole scenario took me right back to wedding planning days when I was, well, you could say I was obsessed with planning our nuptials. These were pre-blackberry days, thankfully, and I was more obsesseed with spreadsheets, to do lists and the like than I was about my new fiance. I quickly learned, however, how important the “engagement” period is to your new lives together. Planning your wedding is an amazing experience that helps you grow closer with friends and family involved. But it can also be incredibly stressful and all consuming if you let it.

That said, my advice to all you blushing brides out there is this: set aside some precious time with your fiance where wedding talk is prohibited. Allow yourself some time to enjoy being engaged without the stress of linens, colors, flowers and invitations. You’ll miss these days when you’re an old married woman like me.

I’m kidding. I’m not old-yet. But I am married.

I do promise...to pay off this wedding...

I was having a little trouble sleeping tonight and started flipping through the channels in an effort to find something boring enough to lull me into a sound slumber. But I came across a really interesting show on CNBC called “Til Debt Do Us Part”  and I was immediately intrigued. I quickly became aware that the show was to help debt-ridden couples eliminate the debt they’ve accumulated together; some as high as $100,000. Hearing that was like taking a bullet. Yikes.

It got me thinking about one of the main reasons that couples divorce; money! Many of the couples on this show accumulated their debt as single people and continued poor money management habits when they said ‘I do’. Considering this is one of the top reasons for divorce, couples considering marriage should strongly consider having a conversation about how they’ll manage their bills. And it can start with the planning of the wedding. The average cost of a wedding can run couples (or Moms and Dads) $25,000 – $30,000. While this isn’t the case for everyone, for the most part, my husband and I paid for our wedding on our own. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, the same year that we got engaged, we spent $30,000 purchasing our dream home and that left very little for a wedding. We immediately put ourselves on a savings plan so that during our 10 month engagement, we’d have enough to pay for our wedding in full. And while our wedding budget fell well below the average cost of a wedding, it was everything we wanted it to be without really sacrificing much. For us, the fact that we had a great house and a great start together was more important than that one special day.

My point is, that marriage is a constant compromise and compromises can start well before the vows are said. That one wedding day is important and memorable, sure – but are the next five years spent paying off the wedding really worth it? It’s something to think about.

I’m reminded of a friend of mine, whose father said to her upon hearing about her engagement, “I’ve got $30,000 saved for your wedding but I’d like to offer an alternative. I’ll give you the $30,000 to put a down payment on a house and I’ll fly you to Vegas to get married. Or, you can have the $30,000 for your dream wedding. You pick.”

It was the most beautiful wedding I’ve ever been to; stunning. And as the couple enters their fifth year of marriage and usher in a new milestone, their baby girl, they’re setting up her nursery in the dining room of their one bedroom apartment.

Everyone has to make their own decisions – but discussing matters like this with your fiance, will help you both align on your priorities – personally, financially and more importantly as a newly married couple.

a very, very, very fine house

a) Speak up as MOH to protect herself and fellow ‘maids from the Bridesmaid dress that looked like a chocolate bar exploded on a pumpkin?

Or

b) Keep her mouth shut and be the loyal MOH she wanted to be.

Well, as you’re aware, she chose ‘a’ and ‘addressed the dress’. Well my friends, it backfired. I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel confident approaching your lovely bride-to-be with subtle recommendations and thoughts, but tread lightly. In this case, the bride was a tad grouchy.

It went kind of like this:

Bride: “I don’t feel that you’re being supportive of my choices. I understand that you may not like the color, but it’s my wedding and I love it. Besides, the other Bridesmaids love it.  You don’t know what it will look like on you until you try it on, so I don’t see how you can form an opinion until you do that. It hurt my feelings that you said you thought the color was bad.”

MOH: “I’m sorry, I was simply offering you a perspective you might not have considered.”

Bride: “You’re supposed to be supportive of me as my MOH and I felt like you were against me.”

MOH: “I’m sorr-”

Bride: “I’m under enough stress as it is and I don’t need you to tell me that you don’t like a color that I’ve chosen. It’s my wedding and I can choose anything that I want!”

MOH: “I’m…”

Bride: “You should apologize to me.”

MOH: “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll wear a trash bag if you ask me too.”

Bride: “You think the dress looks like a trash bag?!”

MOH: Audible sigh….”No, what I meant was….”

And it went on.  So – how can you bounce back from an MOH misfire? When you agree to be in a wedding, should you just agree to agree, nod and smile at the Bride and Groom’s every whim?  The Knot.com says that there’s, “no real etiquette on how much a bride should involve her bridesmaids in the choosing of dresses…”. Does this mean that what the Bride says, goes?  I’ve given this a lot of thought and I think that it all comes down to the relationship you have with the Bride.  She has asked you to be her MOH or Bridesmaid which means, you’re, hopefully, very good friends or even family. My advice is this:

1. Ask the Bride if she’d like help choosing colors and styles that might look good on everyone. She may say yes and then you’ve got the upper hand in the dress selection department. But remember; she makes the final call.
2. If the Bride selects something that you’re not a super huge fan of, tell her, “This is a great choice and I’m happy to wear anything you’d like me too, but I recall seeing another <style, color, shape> that may look better on me; you know I gotta hide my hips!” Insert laugh and you’ve got friendly feedback.
3. If all else fails, she is the Bride. You should agree, nod, smile and wear the dress. Its only one day – and you can return the favor in your own wedding.

How have you handled this situation in the past?

I hate to fly.

Getting me on a plane requires weeks of motivation, encouragement and my poor, loving husband telling me, “Babe. You know that you’re safer in the air than on the ground.”

I know, I know. I get it. I just don’t like it.  Therefore, when I am asked to travel for work, I secretly hope that the location of the client site is within driving distance.  While most times my clients are located in places like Utah and Florida, all which are states too far for me to drive to, when my boss said, “Be in Pittsburgh on Monday”, I said, “Great! Can I drive?” The response, “I don’t care, just get there,” worked great for me!

I know that it only takes 1.5 hours by plane and takes six by car. I chose car and left my house at 4:45 a.m. My client, who left JFK at 9:00 a.m., thinks I was insane for driving, but everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. For me, it was the right choice. And for those of you keeping score at home, I arrived before she did.

During my six hour drive to Pittsburgh this morning I was thinking about the choices that all brides face throughout the wedding planning process and I was reminded of all the decisions and choices I faced just about two years ago. At nearly every turn, there is someone to say:

“I think you should…”
“If I were you…”
“You should really…”
“Did you think about…?”

While important to respect and value people’s opinions, ultimately your wedding day is all about you and your fiancé.  Don’t get hung up on the opinions of other people who’ve done it all before.  This is your wedding! This is your opportunity to choose. Sure, you might get a little bit of a weird look when you opt to carry balloons instead of a bouquet, but who cares? Choose what will make your day memorable and be happy with your decision.  You have many choices to make so choose YOUR choice! You’ll be happy that you did; I was!

So come on – spill it.  What choices are you making or have made that raised some eyebrows?