When I got engaged at 1:00 a.m. upon my return home from a business trip – I knew exactly who to call. My sister and best friend Amanda to share the great news and ask that exciting question: “Will you be my Maids Of Honor???”

It is sometimes easy to choose your MOH (maid of honor) and bridesmaids – your family, childhood friends, college roommates, person who introduced you to your soon to be hubby! But what happens when you just can’t choose? How do you decide and then – how do you ask someone without offending another person? 

It’s not easy.

I’d like to speak from personal experience, but I won’t considering I actually messed this up pretty bad in my own wedding.  I offended at least three people in the process of choosing my ‘maids, and I still feel tremendously guilty about it.  Life goes on and hopefully people will forgive – if not forget the situation.  But it wasn’t fun.

So – first question is, do you have to reciprocate asking someone to be in your wedding party if you were in theirs? I opted for no, no you don’t need to reciprocate, especially if your relationship with that friend has changed in the time following their wedding. People change, they grow apart and ultimately, you have to do what’s right for you on your wedding day. Dont do something just because you feel like you HAVE to. You’ll regret it. Believe me. 

Do you need to tell the person that you’re not going to include them? I didn’t. I probably should have because it was the 800 lb gorilla in the room at the time.  If you’re still friends with the person you should probably sit them down and explain why you’re not including them in the wedding party. It’s the right thing to do.

Do you need to include your fiances family members in your party?  My personal opinion? You should at least ask if they’d like to participate. Blood is thicker than water and this is one thing you don’t want to mess up entering into a new family.  Even if they’re not part of the wedding party, make sure that you include them in the wedding somehow.

Is there a minimum or maximum number of people you should have in your party?I say no – if you want one person or 11 people, go for it. My advice would be to ensure that your husband can accommodate the same number of people for a balanced look in pictures and that your budget supports those awesome “thanks-for-being-in-my-wedding-gifts”, but ultimately the choice is yours.

So – whatever you decide to do, make it right for you and your fiance.  I will tell you that throughout the planning process there will be ups and downs and offenses and defenses – but it’s fun. Don’t let the little details get in the way!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 10th, 2010 at 9:25 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.