You're fired. But can we still be friends?

Remember that moment when you asked your best friend or sister to be your maid of honor?  This coveted title of MOH is one that many women can’t wait for.  Personlly, I’ve yet to be asked (but know my day will come), other people may have been asked multiple times…like my best  friend who probably could have starred in the movie 27 Dresses.

My sister has been asked twice: my wedding and her best friend – we’ll call her Julie.

Julie’s life is notably different than my sisters but they’ve remained friends through it all; divorce, baby, and now Julies engagement.  My sister set about in her MOH duties the way a good MOH does: planning the shower, dress shopping, bridal gown consulting, conversing with the other ‘maids, etc.  So, it came as a quite shock to my little sis when she recieved a call from Julie that went like this:

Julie: “Giving you the title MOH has made me assess our friendship. I don’t feel were as close as we once were and well, Craig and I would prefer if you came to our wedding as a guest instead of my MOH.”

Of course there’s more backstory here but the fundamental jist is that my poor sister…got fired.

The silver lining, and of course I always look for one, is that she was going to have to put out a good sum of money to participate in this wedding and now she didn’t have to. The ‘maids were opting for a Shower that “set the tone” for the wedding which would have cost each of them around $500. While one may love their friend and want to give them the best, this is not a small price to pay. 

Toss that in with the other expenses that come along with being in a wedding and you’re looking at around $1,000 or more.

• Shower: $500.00,
• Dress: $150
• Shoes: $50
• Hair / Make up: $75
• Gifts: $200
• Miscelleaneous: $100

Granted, it wouldn’t be fair to say that my sister felt ‘relieved’ when she was let off the hook, but considering she’s nearing the end of grad school, that money can be better spent. 

All that in mind – she’s still trying to salvage a friendship with Julie and is considering going to the wedding.  How would you have reacted? Would you still want to be friends? Would you still go to the wedding?

My sister and I were discussing our upcoming Cruise to celebrate the completion of her Masters Degree this weekend. I was completing the paperwork needed to help us set sail in April and accidentally entered my maiden name. I thought it was funny – just an old habit.

However, my very smart sister then pointed out something that I found intriguing. If our brother didn’t marry, the passing on of our last name would stop with her. Of course, our family tree would still bear the leaves of a long line of Davey’s, but again, unless our brother married, the Davey name would cease to exist for my family.  And that’s kind of sad!

Feeling slightly guilty about this, I wondered if there were ways to save the “Davey” name. My sister and I discussed perhaps she could keep her maiden name, or hyphenate it, or use it as a middle name, but none of these seemed fair.

A friend of mine, who was married just a few months before Tom and I were, expressed the same sentiment a few weeks ago. She was updating her resume and felt compelled to hyphenate her name – something she didn’t legally do when she got married and took her husband’s name. She expressed the same kind of feeling I just had citing that she wished she had kept her family name as either a middle name or as a hyphenated name. She felt a little sad that she had not done that when she was married and said that she felt a bit disconnected from her Mom, Dad and Brother who all bore the family name.  Did I now feel the same way? Hmmm.

So it had me wondering…is this something that all new brides go through? Is it some kind of bridal name change ‘buyer’s remorse’? Should brides consider the long lineage of a family name before accepting their husband’s name post “I do”?

For many new brides, the decision to change their name after marriage is an easy one. It’s a given – something you’ve been dreaming about since you were a little girl. For others, it’s a tough decision one not to be taken lightly.

So – what’s a girl to do? Talk about it with the “Three F’s” Fiancé, Family and Friends. Discuss how you feel and listen to their recommendations. Ultimately, the decision is yours. Whatever you decide, we are here to help!

Public proposals – they can work!!

This morning I woke up still thinking about the fake proposal at the Rangers game. And I will be honest; I’m still somewhat upset about it. I really think that this prank is giving public proposals a bad name. Let’s think about the true romanticism of proposing in front of thousands of people.  What better way to prove your love for someone than to shout it from the proverbial ‘mountain top’? Think about it – through history people have been shouting their love for each other from mountains, hills, tops of buildings, anything tall! We’ve evolved with the times and now we shout our love through modern technology; the big screens at sporting events, with microphones at special events, in front of the fire over the Holidays with friends and families and even at the mall!  Heck, even now we cheer on shows like the Bachelor for their very public proposals! I don’t see anything wrong with this. To each their own.

I have friends who were engaged at Yankee stadium.  I remember bumping into them at a local bar before the game. Dave was nervous and patted his pants pocket to let us know that tonight was the night.  He had brought along the ring and planned to post a “Will You Marry Me” message on the big screen during the 7^th inning stretch.  He and his girlfriend Kelly met at a Yanks game a few years earlier, so it seemed appropriate that he would ask her here.  We were thrilled for them and couldn’t wait to see it happen. Sure enough in the 7th inning stretch, the message appeared, the camera flashed on them and he got down on one knee and presented her with a beautiful sapphire and diamond ring, appropriate considering the blue and white pinstripe uniforms of the Yankees. So, it can be done, it can be done right, and doggone it, they are still together. No pranks.

Men – fear not the public proposal! But, a word of caution – keep in mind your brides opinion as well. A very public proposal may not bode well with a very shy gal.

Share your stories about public proposals with us!

Coming off the holiday season, which has one of the highest engagement rates of the entire year, I began to wonder, would Valentines Day yield a higher amount of, “Will you marry me?”The answer is probably yes…but I didn’t get an exact number. I heard of many engagements over the notoriously over-marketed love day, including my cousin Amy (by the way, Congrats!).

I recently read about a proposal gone wrong on V-day at a Rangers game in NY – check this out! Blue Shirt Bride

They don't always say yes?

After a few gasps, surprised grimaces and maybe a tear or two, the crowd came to a hush. “That poor man!” Many of them probably thought.

But it turns out….wait for it….

It was fake!

Who in their right mind has the audacity to pose a fake proposal in front of a crowd of thousands and why, why, why did they do this? Just think of all the poor ‘Melissas’ in the crowd who were secretly hoping that they may be the “blue shirt bride” getting proposed to in front of thousands?!

Ladies, did your fiance or hubby propose in public? Is there a stigma attached to this public profession of love? Are pranks like these giving public proposals a bad name?

What are your thoughts on this proposal gone wrong?

When I got engaged at 1:00 a.m. upon my return home from a business trip – I knew exactly who to call. My sister and best friend Amanda to share the great news and ask that exciting question: “Will you be my Maids Of Honor???”

It is sometimes easy to choose your MOH (maid of honor) and bridesmaids – your family, childhood friends, college roommates, person who introduced you to your soon to be hubby! But what happens when you just can’t choose? How do you decide and then – how do you ask someone without offending another person? 

It’s not easy.

I’d like to speak from personal experience, but I won’t considering I actually messed this up pretty bad in my own wedding.  I offended at least three people in the process of choosing my ‘maids, and I still feel tremendously guilty about it.  Life goes on and hopefully people will forgive – if not forget the situation.  But it wasn’t fun.

So – first question is, do you have to reciprocate asking someone to be in your wedding party if you were in theirs? I opted for no, no you don’t need to reciprocate, especially if your relationship with that friend has changed in the time following their wedding. People change, they grow apart and ultimately, you have to do what’s right for you on your wedding day. Dont do something just because you feel like you HAVE to. You’ll regret it. Believe me. 

Do you need to tell the person that you’re not going to include them? I didn’t. I probably should have because it was the 800 lb gorilla in the room at the time.  If you’re still friends with the person you should probably sit them down and explain why you’re not including them in the wedding party. It’s the right thing to do.

Do you need to include your fiances family members in your party?  My personal opinion? You should at least ask if they’d like to participate. Blood is thicker than water and this is one thing you don’t want to mess up entering into a new family.  Even if they’re not part of the wedding party, make sure that you include them in the wedding somehow.

Is there a minimum or maximum number of people you should have in your party?I say no – if you want one person or 11 people, go for it. My advice would be to ensure that your husband can accommodate the same number of people for a balanced look in pictures and that your budget supports those awesome “thanks-for-being-in-my-wedding-gifts”, but ultimately the choice is yours.

So – whatever you decide to do, make it right for you and your fiance.  I will tell you that throughout the planning process there will be ups and downs and offenses and defenses – but it’s fun. Don’t let the little details get in the way!

Lucy Stone

Congratulations! You’re getting married! Or you’ve already gotten married. So, are you going to change your name?

It may be interesting to know that on average, 3 million women per year change their names. Naturally, you’re asking yourself, should I change mine?

Here are a few things to consider when changing your name:

1. Do you want to change your name? Your name has been your identify for your entire life. Changing it takes some adjustment. Trust me, right after I got married I began the name change process but continued to refer to myself with my maiden name for at least six months until it finally stuck.
2. Consider the possibility that your new last name may rhyme with your first name.  Will your new last name rhyme with your first name creating some kind of unintended but kind-of-cute-nursery-rhyme?  Heather Wether, Karen Aaron, Julia Gulia? (love that name from the movie Wedding Singer).
3. Are you well known professionally as your maiden name? Will this confuse your clients, customers, employees, employers, etc.?
4. Would you consider hyphenating your name to maintain your family name?
5. Here’s the thing: You dont have to change it if you dont want to.

I came upon an interesting article on Oprah.com by Faith Sallie, who introduced her readers to a woman named Lucy Stone, a suffragist from the 19th century.

Sallie wrote:

“What would Lucy Stone say? She was a 19th-century suffragist who was the first American woman to revert to her birth name after marriage. She even had to chastise one Susan B. Anthony by writing to Suze, “A wife should no more take her husband’s name than he should hers.”  Stone’s followers — women who refused to change their names upon marriage — were called Stoners.  Today only about 20 percent of American women are Stoners. In other words, 80 percent of women change their identities — I mean, names — upon getting married.”

So for the 80% of  ladies out there who choose to take their husbands name, we’re here to help. Remember – the decisions you and your new husband make are yours and yours alone. Eitherway, congratulations and enjoy this exciting time in your lives; new name or not!

 You may have dreamed about it – thought about it – practiced alone in your living room with a broom while twirling about in a wedding-induced-day-dream…about your first dance as Husband and Wife.

Our first official 'dip'!

But what happens when you realize that one or both of you is, how do you say, a little challenged in the dancing department?

More than likely you’ve seen Jill and Kevin\’s Big Day memorable and often shared (over 4 million views) dance down the aisle. It’s a new trend in wedding dancing that takes the ackward nervousness of that first dance and makes it fun, unique and memorable experience.

Many couples opt to take dance lessons to prepare for the once in a lifetime opportunity to share the dancefloor for the first time as Husband and Wife. My take on the whole thing is this:

This whole day is about you and your groom. So what if he thinks he can dance and it turns out that he’s really just good at rocking the sprinkler (which he thinks is dancing). If you’re really worried about it, dance lessons are a safe way to go. But if you’re up for letting your personal style shine, practice in your living room after dinner!  You’ll be amazed at how comfortable you are dancing with one another. And if after those practice sessions you’re still not 100%, you can always opt for another route: invite your entire party for a little choreographed routine!

Thriller Wedding Dance

So you’re engaged….you’ve probably…

1. Set the date
2. Chosen the venue
3. Buy the dress
4. Flowers!

Oh my, the internet is full of colorful bouquets to delight every possible delight-able bride out there.  So how do you decide your flower style and then ultimately design your bouquet, centerpieces and boutonnieres around it? And, side note, why is the word boutonniere so hard to spell?

My recommendation would be to start with two key insights about your wedding:

1. Time of year / season
2. Colors

These two very important facts will help you narrow down your flower field.  www.GetMarried.com Magazine and website have an amazing flower finder tool that narrows your search simply by identifying color and category.  Where was this when I was getting married?

Via @getmarried website

Do a quick google.com search and find great sights like www.moderndayfloral.com which will fill your bridal brain with so much floral inspiration that you’ll quickly be able to identify your flower style.

via www.moderndayfloral.com

Strapped for cash? You’d never guess it, but www.costco.com has premade wedding bouquets, centerpieces, boutonnieres (there’s that word again!) for the lowest most imagineable prices you’ll imagine. Plus, they sell long stemmed roses and other flowers in bulk, so if you’re so inspired like me, you can create your own bouquets! Yes, I did it the morning of my wedding and it saved me thousands of dollars. Not a single person knew they were made by me or purchased on Costco.com.

So – do a little research, decide your floral style and wow your guests with your creative, colorful and impressive wedding flowers!

When I asked my girlfriend to marry me, there were understandably a few things going through my mind:

• Would she say yes?
• Would she like the ring?
• What is going to change?

Engaged!!

My girlfriend, then fiancée, now wife, said yes, loved the ring and set about on a 10-month planning journey to create our perfect day. So what changed? A lot of things actually.  We were still the same; but there were these exciting and sometimes tough questions to answer!

• When should we get married?
• Who will be in our wedding party?
• How much will your parents chip in?
• Will we combine our finances? And…
• Are you going to change your name?

My answer to the last question was yes, please do! From my perspective giving my name in marriage to the woman I want to spend my life with, raise a family with, and sit on the porch swing with, well into my grey old age was a gift! Here, with this ring accept my love, fidelity and my name!

To me, having Heather accept my name created a sense of bond – both legally and familial. I don’t think she would feel less married to me by keeping her own name, but you know how little girls grow up writing Mrs. Someone all over their pink notebooks? I wanted her to be able to do the same and for a long, long time.

Therefore, brides, ask your fiancé what they think about the name change question.  You may be surprised what you hear.  And if you need help with the name changing process, were here to help!